Key 5 – Plan When To Talk

Plan When To Talk, Key #5 of the “6 Keys for Great Marriage Communication”

Setting a time for talking with your spouse is perhaps one of the most important appointments you can make. When an event is important to us, we pull out our calendar or PDA and write down the date and time that it will occur. We don’t want to miss it and we know that it would be easy to forget with our busy schedules.

The fifth Key that we will examine sounds similar to Key 3, yet it is actually quite different.

By setting a specific date and time to talk,
we ensure that our spouse will have our undivided attention.

Key 5 is ‘Plan When To Talk’. Here are some important concepts to consider as you set an appointment to talk with your spouse:

• Setting an appointment demonstrates that you value your time together and consider it important.
  Many well meaning couples go through much of their married lives ‘planning to talk’ – as soon as they can. They realize there are important matters to discuss, but there always seem to be more ‘important’ things to do. Other activities take priority, stealing away this vital part of marriage enrichment. When you take the time to set a specific appointment – a time set aside to talk – you are placing an emphasis on the value of talking together and signifying your commitment to each other in a fresh way.
• It gives you time to gather your thoughts.
  By planning a time to sit down and talk, we give ourselves time to think about the topic and decide what we want to say, and how we want to say it. This lessens the possibility that we will say something in an offensive way.
• It gives your spouse time to be prepared and to think through their thoughts as well.
  This is especially necessary if you are the one who initiates the conversation. When you set an appointment to talk, you allow your spouse time to think about how they are feeling, and what they want to communicate to you.
• After you set the appointment, make sure you keep it!
  This is extremely important. If we set a specific time to sit together and talk, we must make it a priority. Don’t allow other, less important things to arise which cause you to cancel this appointment. If you do, you are sending a very negative signal to your spouse.
• You might find it helpful to make this a regular monthly appointment.
  At several points in our marriage relationship, Renee and I have set regular appointments for us to talk. We have kept a list of the things we wanted to make decisions about and the topics we needed to discuss. Then, at the appointed time, we have set down and made the decisions and discussed the subjects that were on our list(s).

One word of caution. You need to approach the idea of setting an appointment to talk in a positive way. You don’t want to make it seem like you can’t talk unless you make an appointment. There are obviously many different types of communication and discussions that take place in a marriage. These ‘6 Keys for Great Marriage Communication’ are specifically meant to be used with topics that are highly emotional and have the potential to create conflict in our marriage if not approached carefully.

Write to Renee and I and let us know how its going.!

These ‘6 Keys for Great Marriage Communication’ are condensed from a chapter of our forthcoming book: MARRIED … AND ENJOYING IT! (30 Years of Marriage Enrichment Secrets)

If you would like to be one of the first to be notified when the book is released, just CLICK HERE

 

If we can be of any help to you, please let us know. We are available to answer your marriage questions and would love to hear your thoughts. Post a comment below and lets discuss this important key to Effective Marriage Communication.

Read Key 6 – Key 6, One Topic Is Enough
Read Key 4 – Key 4, Learn To Listen

For better marriages!

Chuck