Key 6 One Topic Is Enough

One Topic Is Enough, Key #6 of the “6 Keys for Great Marriage Communication”

Many times being able to do two things at once is a real asset! This is not true; however; when applied to great marital communication. In fact, it can inhibit, or even ruin an opportunity for drawing closer to your spouse. For this last key, we want to focus on the need to stay “on-topic.”

By talking about one subject at a time, we allow adequate time for a complete discussion.

Key 6 is ‘One Topic Is Enough’. Here are some incentives for planning to discuss only one subject or topic per session:

• It gives adequate time for a complete and thorough discussion.
  Through the years, Renee and I have found that most of our serious discussions require concentrated thought, free from distractions. If you try to rush through a discussion, you probably won’t finish it or deal with it completely enough. One of you will feel like you were not able to say everything that you wanted to.
• It helps to keep you focused.
  By selecting just one topic, you can focus in on all of the concerns, details, ideas, and thoughts that each of you have. You won’t be distracted by ’side issues’ and you will both have adequate time to respond.
• It helps you to listen, and not ‘rush on’ to a topic that is “safer” or that you feel is more important (worthy of your time).
  This is a very important concept to understand. One of the first natural reactions that we have in our defense system, is to change the subject. When we become uncomfortable, scared, embarrassed, or angry, we want to flee the conversation. The easiest way to do this is by changing the subject. We can latch on to one of the words or sentences that our spouse used, and turn the conversation in a different direction.

  An example of this could occur during a discussion about finances. If, during the discussion, a child’s need for new shoes arises, it is easy to direct the conversation to the child’s lack of care for and respect of their clothing. This redirects our emotions off of the subject and onto the child. Before we realize what has happened, we are in the middle of a heated discussion that has nothing to do with our topic.

A final note – if you have two or three ‘minor’ issues that need to be discussed, it is okay to tackle them all at once, just be certain that you both agree. If you think a topic is minor, make sure your spouse feels the same. You might open a can of worms that will require a long fishing expedition when you thought you could just rest your pole for a few minutes

There are obviously many different types of communication and discussions that take place in a marriage. These ‘6 Keys for Great Marriage Communication’ are specifically meant to be used with topics that are highly emotional and have the potential to create conflict in our marriage if not approached carefully.

Write to Renee and I and let us know how its going.!

These ‘6 Keys for Great Marriage Communication’ are condensed from a chapter of our forthcoming book: MARRIED … AND ENJOYING IT! (30 Years of Marriage Enrichment Secrets)

If you would like to be one of the first to be notified when the book is released, just CLICK HERE

 

If we can be of any help to you, please let us know. We are available to answer your marriage questions and would love to hear your thoughts. Post a comment below and lets discuss this important key to Effective Marriage Communication.

Read Key 5 – Key 5, Plan When To Talk

For better marriages!

Chuck