Too Late To Change?

I wonder how many brides and grooms have stood at an altar repeating, “I do” while secretly pondering the changes that would be necessary to create the ‘perfect mate’ from the piece of clay standing next to them? I also wonder if any have succeeded.

Obviously it is important for each of us to be willing to change as we begin a new relationship.

This is especially true of marriage. Successful marriages often depend on one spouses’ willingness to adapt to both the little – and often not so little requests and wishes of the other. After the honeymoon is over and we settle down to our new life, we often realize that there are some things we didn’t know about this person that we chose to spend the rest of our life with.

I recall one REALLY SIGNIFICANT change that Renee and I faced in the first few weeks of our marriage. We had both grown up in families that were diametrically at opposite ends of the scale when it came to this issue. It’s importance can’t be downplayed …

Now that might seem silly, but it was important to Renee and I. One of us was going to have to change. It is amazing how many little habits we pick up through the years. We do things a certain way. We say things a certain way. We respond in a certain way. And of course, our way is the right way – right?

While this might remind you of Dr. Seuss’ Butter Battle Book; and the struggle over which side of the bread to butter; it was an issue over which we had to come to an agreement. If memory serves, I think I initially turned the roll the correct way in the holder each time I visited the restroom. I was sure that if I did this enough, Renee would realize the error of her ways and my troubles would be over. That didn’t work. Upon my subsequent visits to the restroom, I would find that the roll returned to it correct position (according to Renee).

I’m not sure how long this silent battle of the wills continued, but I know the spring inside the rod (in the holder) was getting weak by the time I finally gave in and allowed my will to be broken

For the past 29 years now the toilet paper rolls in our house have all hung ‘properly’ and there has been peace in the family. While this little example is obviously not intended to downplay the importance and seriousness of many of the changes that take place in a couple’s married life, it does bring out some important issues:

• changes are required in the habits, actions, and attitudes of married couples
• good marriages become stronger as these changes are dealt with
• many of the issues requiring change are not about right and wrong, but simple matters of habit
• while many changes and adjustments are made during the first year of marriage, most marriages continue to experience changes and adaptations as the couple moves through life’s normal flow 

Finally, it is never too late to change – if you truly desire to improve the quality of your marriage.  Is there an action or habit that seems to always irritate you or your spouse?  Make a new effort this week to change it.  Your spouse will appreciate it and you might even find that he or she is suddenly willing to change something for you, also.

Blessings!

Chuck