What Are You Thinking About?
Posted by Chuck on September 11, 2009 · 2 Comments
Simple question. Just 5 little words. But they hold the power to improve your marriage and enhance your relationship with your spouse. Go ahead… ask her. Really!
More than 29 anniversaries have come and gone since I first asked Renee (my wife) that question. I have likely repeated it thousands of times over the years. Her answers have ranged from silly to profound and certainly everything in between. Sometimes I catch her daydreaming in a far off place. Other times her answer has been accompanied by:
- a tear in her eye,
- a grin on her face,
- a mischievous wink and a smile,
- and sometimes a flushed set of cheeks (when she has been wondering why grass is green, etc.)
One of the foundational keys to a successful marriage
is how well each spouse knows the other.
When we first fall in love, it is often said that we are “in love with the idea of being in love.” But anyone who has been married for awhile understands that to stay ‘in love,’ a married couple needs to be growing together.
It is surprising how many couples quit talking through the years. All of us have heard someone say, “we just don’t talk anymore.” Unfortunately, this statement often precedes a breach in the marriage relationship. All it takes is a friend or co-worker who will talk… and listen intently. This can easily lead to other, more harmful actions.
So, why not take it for a spin? Next time you sit down for a meal or take a drive to the store with your spouse, look them in the eyes and ask, “What are you thinking about?”
The answer will enrich your marriage…
It might make you chuckle. It could suprise you. You might even be caught off guard with an answer that begins a whole new discussion theme. Days and even weeks worth of follow-up thoughts and questions might follow.
Many of the really quality and formational conversations between Renee and I have begun by the use of those 5 simple words. A few important ground rules to wrap this up:
- Always make sure you have time to talk.
- Always make listening your top priority.
- Be ready to laugh together when the answer is ‘off the wall.’
- Be honest – both when you ask and when you are asked.
Towards better conversations,
Chuck
Congratulations you two! I think this blog is great and look forward to future “editions.”
I’ve been married for 33 years to MY best friend, and we never, ever take our marriage, or each other, for granted.
Keep up the good work!
val
Thanks Val! We hope you will enjoy our daily posts – and our new Podcasts which will be coming later this week.
Blessings!
Chuck