Your Spouse – Your Best Friend

Who is your all-time best friend?

 

I’m sure that one, possibly two people come to your mind right away. That old friend you’ve had since grade school. The one who stuck by you through pimples and proms. Or maybe you thought about a buddy from college who took you in and showed you the ropes – making your new life and surroundings more exciting and tolerable.

While searching the web for the best thoughts and resources on marriage enrichment, I clicked into a wonderful blog entitled Motivate Thyself authored by a young man named Eric Hamm. I read several posts and one really spoke volumes to me. It is entitled, “Are You Best Friends With Your Spouse?”*

Eric’s Blog is full of great tips and ideas on motivation and life in general. What I appreciated so much was his willingness to open a window into his own life in order to encourage his readers and visitors.

 

At the end of this particular post, he wrote the following words:

 

“If we are to live the lives that are best for us and the ones we love
we need to keep track of our progress.”
Eric Hamm*

But how do you measure marital progress?

It would seem to be rather objective and certainly, in some ways, it is. I believe that one of the ‘gold standards’ that we can use to measure against are our own and our spouses’ feelings. (I know that was a mouthful – I’m not even sure I could type it again )

We do have to be careful when we use feelings as a basis for any action or response, but in this case, I believe feelings can be very useful as a measurement tool. Think back to the first question in this article. Let your mind form a clear picture of that ‘best friend’ again. Now – how do you feel?

• Happy
• Supported
• Safe
• Loved
• _______________

Go ahead, supply your own verb. The point is, that ‘best friends’ tend to make us feel great! We know we can count on them. We know we have their support – even before we ask. We know they’ll come running to our aid – even before we call. Finish this sentence, “She/He is my best friend because … ” What are the words that come to mind. Among them you’ll find some great measurements for marital progress.

For example, you might have finished the sentence with the words, “… I can always count on her/him.” Or maybe you thought, “… no matter what I’m doing – its always better if I’m doing it with her/him.” Best friends are wonderful! They are precious relationships that we all need and should nurture.

How does your spouse rate as a best friend?”

Lets apply our measuring tool from the words above to our current relationship with our spouse. How are we doing? When I think of my spouse, can I use the same type of words to describe our relationship? Is she/he my best friend? Is everything better or more fun when she/he is around?

It is okay if your answer is “not really.” Remember, marriage is a continual process of growing together with your spouse. Taking time to reflect and assess your marriage can make it even better than it already is. As Eric wrote in his article, “We get so used to each other that our minds naturally take the other for granted.” It is easy for the busyness, demands, and events of our daily lives to crowd out the sheer joy of being together.

So what do we do now?

The answer is really quite simple. Plan some special, dedicated quality time with your spouse! Set up a date! Reserve your favorite little table in that quiet restaurant or dust off the picnic basket and put together a romantic lunch in the park. Set a time to visit a nearby museum or to stroll through the zoo with a bag of peanuts. What you do isn’t nearly as important as the time spent together doing it.

The result might surprise you. You’ll find out that this ‘best friend’ hasn’t moved away. In fact, she/he has been there all along, waiting to spend time with you – cause that’s what ‘best friends’ do!

Renee, thanks for being my ‘best friend’ all these years!
(Note to self: pick up a bag of peanuts at the store )

* Hamm, Eric. “Are You Best Friends With Your Spouse?” Motivate Thyself 30 September 2008 http://www.motivatethyself.com/are-you-best-friends-with-your-spouse/ (7 October 2009)