6 Keys for Great Marriage Communication
In ALL marriages communication is the key to happiness!
By learning to use these six communication keys, you will enrich your marriage and move your relationship to a whole new level.
My parents never learned to communicate. Oh, they talked a lot – shouted and argued even more – but they never learned the keys for truly talking and listening to each other. Their relationship ended with a bitter divorce, following twenty years of marital chaos, and resulted in a shattered family and emotionally wounded children. It didn’t have to happen.
During the past thirty (30) years it has been our privilege to counsel numerous couples as they sought to enrich (and often to save) their marriages. In all of these relationships, there existed a primary ‘issue’ or challenge such as financial problems, infidelity, boredom, etc.
In each marriage the root cause for disharmony
was the lack of successful communication.
In some cases, one dominant spouse would attempt to change the other through persuasive argument. In others, the spouse with the loudest voice would ’win’ the argument ending with the quieter spouse in tears. This didn’t have to happen.
In each of these marriages, as the couples learned to put into practice the following ‘6 Keys for Great Marriage Communication’, the relationship improved and resulted in a much stronger marriage. Once they learned to communicate effectively, the couples were able to work through the underlying issues and resolve them.
Over the next six days, I will be posting a series of six sub-articles, each one providing details for one of the following ‘6 Keys for Great Marriage Communication’:
- Key #1: Hold Hands
- Key #2: Think Before You Speak and Re-format Your Words
- Key #3: Choose The Right Time To Talk
- Key #4: Learn To Listen
- Key #5: Schedule A ‘Talking Appointment’
(Though this sounds similar to key #3, it is actually quite different.) - Key #6: One Topic Is Enough
These ‘6 Keys for Great Marriage Communication’ are condensed from a chapter of our forthcoming book: MARRIED … AND ENJOYING IT! (30 Years of Marriage Enrichment Secrets)
If you would like to be one of the first to be notified when the book is released, just CLICK HERE
What Are You Thinking About?
Simple question. Just 5 little words. But they hold the power to improve your marriage and enhance your relationship with your spouse. Go ahead… ask her. Really!
More than 29 anniversaries have come and gone since I first asked Renee (my wife) that question. I have likely repeated it thousands of times over the years. Her answers have ranged from silly to profound and certainly everything in between. Sometimes I catch her daydreaming in a far off place. Other times her answer has been accompanied by:
- a tear in her eye,
- a grin on her face,
- a mischievous wink and a smile,
- and sometimes a flushed set of cheeks (when she has been wondering why grass is green, etc.)
One of the foundational keys to a successful marriage
is how well each spouse knows the other.
When we first fall in love, it is often said that we are “in love with the idea of being in love.” But anyone who has been married for awhile understands that to stay ‘in love,’ a married couple needs to be growing together.
It is surprising how many couples quit talking through the years. All of us have heard someone say, “we just don’t talk anymore.” Unfortunately, this statement often precedes a breach in the marriage relationship. All it takes is a friend or co-worker who will talk… and listen intently. This can easily lead to other, more harmful actions.
So, why not take it for a spin? Next time you sit down for a meal or take a drive to the store with your spouse, look them in the eyes and ask, “What are you thinking about?”
The answer will enrich your marriage…
It might make you chuckle. It could suprise you. You might even be caught off guard with an answer that begins a whole new discussion theme. Days and even weeks worth of follow-up thoughts and questions might follow.
Many of the really quality and formational conversations between Renee and I have begun by the use of those 5 simple words. A few important ground rules to wrap this up:
- Always make sure you have time to talk.
- Always make listening your top priority.
- Be ready to laugh together when the answer is ‘off the wall.’
- Be honest – both when you ask and when you are asked.
Towards better conversations,
Chuck
